Pisces in Studying.
probably the reason why i didnt do well in my exams. i rmb studying with a friend once when i was retaking my olevels, and at the end of the study session, she commented that i got easily distracted and then she asked me if i actually managed to put any science facts (i had intended to revise my science) into my head that day. i failed my that subject again btw.
its not something im proud of- failing in education. close colleagues, especially JC and JT, kept asking and encouraging me to continue studying. JC told me off the other day, “last year you said you wanted to study. now 2013, still never do anything.”
of course, sometimes the urge to go back to school gets so strong that id be looking for courses/schools, but the ‘excitement’ dies down almost just as quick when i think about the dreaded exams.
im not one who can easily open her book and get right down to it. its difficult because my mind wanders.. a lot. i can be reading a sentence on how the world war started one second, and my mind be wandering about irrelevant life shits the next. no matter how focused i tried, i always fail.
listening to music while studying is even worst. 99.9% of the time, my mind would be breaking down the meaning of the song instead. people say im making up excuses because they think im just being lazy or indisciplined.
its quite embarrassing to be honest. earlier this month, my youngest brother got back his olevel results and he scored far better than me. that is to say, im now officially the dumb one in the family- because ALL my siblings were able to qualify for poly/jc except me. i cant even get myself into a single poly course, if i rmb correctly.
i had a night of crying during that same weekend because i just really felt dumb. cant get a diploma from school, wont ever get promoted at work. i only have myself to blame, dont i.
im still playing the thoughts of gg back to school, but i just dont want to fail again.. you know? but my mind, my stupid stupid mind. i wish there was a stop/start switch on my head so that my mind knows when to focus and when to wander.